The Words shared by A Father That Rescued Me as a Brand-New Parent

"In my view I was simply trying to survive for twelve months."

Former reality TV star Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the demands of fatherhood.

But the actual experience quickly proved to be "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health complications surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into acting as her chief support in addition to caring for their infant son Leo.

"I took on all the nights, every nappy change… each outing. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

After nearly a year he burnt out. That was when a chat with his father, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The simple phrases "You're not in a good spot. You must get assistance. How can I assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and start recovering.

His story is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. While people is now more comfortable discussing the stress on mothers and about PND, not enough is spoken about the challenges new fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan feels his struggles are linked to a wider inability to communicate between men, who continue to absorb harmful notions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and stays upright every time."

"It is not a display of failure to seek help. I failed to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men often don't want to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can think they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - especially in front of a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental well-being is equally important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the space to request a break - going on a few days overseas, away from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He realised he required a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions in addition to the day-to-day duties of caring for a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she longed for" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has changed how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will help his son to better grasp the language of emotional life and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen lacked consistent male guidance. Despite having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, profound emotional pain caused his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing emotions resulted in him make "terrible choices" when younger to alter how he was feeling, turning in substance use as a way out from the anguish.

"You find your way to behaviours that don't help," he says. "They can short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Coping as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - if you feel under pressure, tell a trusted person, your other half or a professional about your state of mind. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the pursuits that helped you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. This might be playing sport, socialising or gaming.
• Don't ignore the body - nutritious food, getting some exercise and where possible, sleep, all play a role in how your mind is faring.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - listening to their stories, the challenges, as well as the good ones, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that seeking help isn't failing - taking care of you is the optimal method you can look after your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the passing, having been out of touch with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead offer the safety and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the feelings in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men since they confronted their pain, changed how they express themselves, and figured out how to control themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I expressed, on occasion I feel like my purpose is to instruct and tell you on life, but actually, it's a dialogue. I'm learning just as much as you are in this journey."